Almost Adults: Guiding Your Child Through High School
While dropping your child off for the first day of kindergarten is emotional, and the middle school years are full of unique challenges, high school marks the beginning of a major transformative phase. Navigating relationships, increased social and academic pressures, getting a first job, and applying for college can be overwhelming for your teenager. They鈥檒l crave independence, so aim to be a steady source of support and guidance without overstepping or micromanaging.
鈥淎lthough there is much exploration of identities and roles during middle school, the age of entering high school is marked by trying to understand where and how we fit into society,鈥 says Karen Manotas, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Huntsman Mental Health Institute at the University of Utah. 鈥淭his comes with excitement but also uncertainty and anxiety.鈥
Here鈥檚 how you can help guide your teen through high school hurdles so they can develop into a balanced and confident young adult.
A New Social Landscape
You may notice shifts in your teen鈥檚 social life, which are developmentally normal. Behaviors that are common include:
- Exploring their own identity, such as sexuality or religious beliefs
- Making new friends and drifting apart from old ones
- Wanting to try new activities
- Becoming more self-conscious and sensitive to social approval
As their parent, you can help them make safe and smart social decisions by having proactive conversations. These include topics that may feel uncomfortable, such as sex or substance use.
When talking to your teen about difficult subjects, Manotas recommends the following tips:
- Ask your teen what they already know about the topic
- Share some of your own experiences
- Keep the tone light and judgment-free
- Guide them toward forming their own conclusions
- Avoid lecturing
- Ask them if they would prefer to talk with a pediatrician or therapist if they aren鈥檛 comfortable opening up to you
You can also teach your teen about free and confidential resources available to them, such as the 988 crisis line or . These resources are staffed with mental health professionals who can help them navigate difficult situations.
Finding the Right Balance
High school is hard for teenagers. Managing their social lives and increased academic pressures may have your teen feeling overwhelmed. An overloaded schedule with advanced classes, clubs, sports teams, and a job may make them feel burnt out.
Parents can help their teen find the right balance in the following ways:
- Encourage them to identify their goals and values and prioritize what they spend time and energy on first
- Make sure they eat balanced meals
- Prioritize getting at least eight hours of sleep per night
- Explore what brings them joy so they have a healthy way to manage stress, such as going on walks or listening to music
- Teach them to avoid substances and other unhealthy coping mechanisms
- Tell them it鈥檚 OK to ask for help if they are struggling
Planning for the Future
Teens make big decisions in high school鈥攍ike where they want to go to college and what area of study they鈥檙e going to pursue. What your child wants to do with their life is ultimately their decision, but they may feel overwhelmed getting there. Manotas says parents can honor their teen鈥檚 growing independence while also offering practical guidance to help them make the best decision.
鈥淎sk open-ended questions about their future, like what they envision for themselves, what motivates them, what they value, and how their choices connect to their long-term goals,鈥 Manotas says. 鈥淓ven if their answers differ from what you would choose, approach the conversation without criticism. From there, ask about their plan for achieving those goals.鈥
Here are other tangible ways parents can help their teen:
- Help them make their first resum茅
- Search for job opportunities online with them
- Proofread applications or cover letters
- Connect them with a college admissions counselor or mentor
As your high schooler becomes more independent, you may feel like they share less details with you. However, they do still need you. As they make their way through high school, you can be a reliable presence and help them make smart decisions for their future.
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